I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
