Swine flu. Run for my life!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
