i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
