I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
