Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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