nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
