you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
