YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would fuck him just for his dog
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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