We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
