While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
