Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
