I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
