Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
