she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
