I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
