I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
