I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
