They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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