wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
