We won't sleep together?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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