If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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