I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
