I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
