I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
