in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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