You can't special order awesome
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
