i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
