I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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