Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can't motorboat a personality
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
