Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
