She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
