If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
