he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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