just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
