Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
