I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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