I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
