My room smells like vodka and shame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
