Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
