fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
