hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i think i just lost a toe
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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