I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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