I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
