I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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