Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
