Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
