obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
