Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
