you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
