i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
