Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
