new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
