My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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