it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
