that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
