Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish you could order shots online.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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