So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
