Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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