im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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