Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize