Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My feet surprised me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
