don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
