I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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