They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
