saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
