Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
