My pussy is not your playground.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
