I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
