I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
