i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
