um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
