i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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