Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
