cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
